Mr. Dryden is an Internet addict, a knife collector, and apt to scream like a girl in the presence of spiders. Clients applaud his web mastery and design smarts. He gets a kick out of fruit snacks, PB&J sandwiches, and mass quantities of cheese.

His philosophy on life is that “anything goes with gravy and syrup.” As a small child, he dressed as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween one year, complete with green tights. He maintains that this was a good choice.

He once fell out of a golf cart…and was subsequently run over by it. His entertainment programming includes films such as Shawshank Redemption, Seven, and Braveheart, as well as an occasional episode of Project Runway. If he could choose any superpower, it would be the ability to punch someone via the Internet.

Bonus random fact!

What He IS: A taster of foods. A lover of nerdery. A title chaser. All for snow cones. The tallest person in his house. Balding. Levelheaded. A moderate pyromaniac. A former employee of "the Colonel." Sun averse. Infatuated with his Tempur-Pedic. Great at knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold 'em.  

Other Jobs He’d Enjoy: Driving a semi-truck while entering arm-wrestling competitions on the side. Not unlike the movie Over the Top.

Rock, Paper, or Scissors: Scissors, because they’re sharp and weapon-like.

Laverne or Shirley: Who?

Bert or Ernie: Bert. He has a unibrow and he’s unapologetic about it.

Preferred Smells: Gasoline, books, mowed grass (love-hate relationship with this scent)

Fantasy Vacation: Olympics in Europe, summer 2012. CHECK.

What He Is NOT: Onion-friendly. Pleased with his yard. Brave in the face of spiders. A silver-medal speed walker. Drawn to crowded bars. Physically active. Pleasant before 9 a.m. The best at speling. Optimistic about a career in curling. In the movie "A Christmas Story."

Who Would Play Him in a Movie: Dolph Lundgren, obviously.

Sage Advice He’s Been Given: "If someone breaks into your house, make sure to take him out so there’s only one story." — logical father