Ms. Burton-Argo is a gifted smeller, freaked out by Charlie Chaplin, and moved to tears by three scenes in Beauty and the Beast. Clients and peers appreciate her attention to detail and organizational skills. She, meanwhile, takes pride in her 1998 fishing contest victory.
Green Jolly Ranchers make her cough. She is also unreasonably bothered when people write “should of” instead of “should have.”
Still scarred by a childhood swimming lesson, she harbors animosity toward large bodies of water, small bodies of water, cruise ships, swimming pools, bigger-than-average aquariums, and substantial puddles. For 10 years, she had a recurring nightmare involving Aunt Jemima, a stack of pancakes, and the Big Bad Wolf. It did not end well.
Bonus random fact!
What She Is NOT: Spontaneous. Keen on being wet. Comfortable with windows. A light packer. An Olympic athlete. Any kind of athlete. Able to live without music. Happy underground. Moved by sports movies. Liable to curse. A TV hater. A pushover. A shoddy note taker. Unwilling to try new things. Excited by gooey foods.
Laverne or Shirley: Mary Tyler Moore
Family Saying: “What you talkin’ about, Lewis?” — father…and confused Different Strokes fan
Other Jobs She’d Enjoy: Scent tester. Paint-chip namer. Ghost writer.
What She IS: A one-time telemarketer. Obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. Lacking in arm strength. Afraid of small spaces. Scared of the dark. Terrified of small, dark spaces. The fifth-grade lead in the school Christmas play. An early riser. A vivid dreamer. Fascinated by the zodiac. An Aquarius who hates water.
Fave Ad: Amazon Prime "Lion" TV Commercial
Preferred Smells: The inside of her family's 1950s grain truck during harvest.
Mountains or Ocean: “Have you SEEN ‘Titanic’?! Did you HEAR about the Italian cruise ship that capsized?! NO OCEAN!”
On Britney Spears: “I have never left her side. When she shaved her head, I said, ‘You go, girl.’ When she walked into that gas-station bathroom barefoot…I took my shoes off that day.”
Sage Advice She’s Been Given: “You can’t fix stupid.” — experienced father
Dogs or Cats: Has to say cats…for fear of retribution by her own.
Favored Menu: French fries dipped in chocolate shake, cold fried chicken, sausage patties smothered in strawberry jam, potato chips…dipped in chocolate…covered in ice cream